"So you just came back to me because you realized there was nothing better out there?" she asked.
"Actually no, I realized there is a lot better out there than you but I just can't get any of it."
Saturday, November 7, 2009
Friday, October 23, 2009
The New Milford Exploding Sewers
Been that kind of week, where you feel half nuts and scared that whatever shitty mood you're in is going to last the rest of your life. Blood pressure spikes and drops. Old memories stirring the pot. Teenage Angst. Jesus. How fucking old am I?Everyone knows everyone some how, and everyone had it together long before I learned that being a prick was my favorite hat to wear.
Maybe I'm just tired or in failing health, trying to mainline the fall, and build momentum up to some kind of explosively creative breakdown that'll sum up all the shit I've been trying to say for last 20 years. All the God bargains and fresh starts and do overs and new waves of ambition that take you around in long circles until you run back home and try to disappear.
At least there's deep sleep and dreams of fire blasting out of the sewers on the streets of New Milford.
Maybe I'm just tired or in failing health, trying to mainline the fall, and build momentum up to some kind of explosively creative breakdown that'll sum up all the shit I've been trying to say for last 20 years. All the God bargains and fresh starts and do overs and new waves of ambition that take you around in long circles until you run back home and try to disappear.
At least there's deep sleep and dreams of fire blasting out of the sewers on the streets of New Milford.
Thursday, October 1, 2009
Rocktober Rarrives: Las Vegas, The Batman, and a Slew of Self Indulgent Nonsense I Want to Spew if I'm Ever Going to Contribute Anything to Society
Ahh. Thank you October for driving a stake through that rotten Indian Summer we were having. Sure I'll miss the 65-70 days and nights that were so beautiful I'd dedicate significant portions of the evening kicking myself for not thinking of better ways to spend them. But I won't miss those occasional 85 degree blasts during the ass-end of September, long after the air conditioner has been disassembled and I've just gotten used to dressing in my super-hero costume of three or four layers and a sweatshirt zipped up to keep it all tucked in just to find out, no it's going to be warm tonight and you're going to look like a nervous pervert sweating and uncomfortable and probably drunk. Not that I can blame the drunk thing on the weather I guess.
No no no, October came running through the gate with a nice cool blast that seemed to come out of nowhere, like someone just fixed the weather machine. Had it been working we would have eased into this. I love the fucking fall. I love all the peripheral bullshit that comes with it: dead leaves, baseball playoffs, football, layers of clothes and blankets, Halloween all of it. I love everyone's dumb facebook status complaining about how cold it is.
But enough of that shit. This whole thing was to purge all the rottenness that's been building up the last month or so. So let's get into some random bullshit and see what sticks to the wall. Starting with:
-I don't know if I like the Germs. I'm listening to them right now, and I'm wondering if that movie "What We Do Is Secret" kind of ruined them for me. I was never huge on them to begin with, but that movie seemed to be doing the same douchey thing they did in the Doors movie with the "Wow man, that is so amazing. It's like you copied your lyrics off God's tongue". You know making the dead guy look like some prophet who just couldn't handle the fame, he just wanted people to like his words. And maybe that's true for all I know, but that doesn't mean it makes a good movie. Of course having said that I loved the Doors movie when I was in my teens and probably even ruined a few bands and friendships by doing stupid drunk shit because I thought Jim Morrison would have done it. But I never claimed that I wasn't a fucking moron. Maybe the Germs cult following will blow up and in 10 years they'll be on Classic Rock radio once an hour, but I kind of doubt it. Anyway the song is over now and I kind of don't care anymore.
-Speaking of Classic Rock Radio and what not I kind of am having a rekindling of my love affair with the Rolling Stones. This happens about once every two years where I listen to Exile on Main St. and for some reason get surprised at how good it is. Or maybe listen to Goat's Head Soup or Some Girls or any of those 70's records and want to start looking for plutonium or try harnessing a bolt of lightning to take my Pontiac back to 1973. Sticky Fingers, however remains the money Stones album in my opinion.
Moving along.
- I am desperately trying to beat this fucking Batman Arkham Asylum game. It's doing serious damage to my psyche, beyond the fact that I'm a 31 year old man, well past his prime, staring at screen for three hours, cursing the batteries in my controller once every 10 minutes, trying to outsmart the fucking Riddler. I will solve all of his puzzles and I'm at the point where I'll use the online walkthroughs if I have to because he must stopped and, perhaps more importantly, I have to stop playing this game. I sometimes find myself unable to sleep wondering what I would have to do to set up my own crimefighting operation here in Brick. The safest town in New Jersey. Of course you never can be too safe can you? I mean I already have a black car and a back entrance to my house. I have a lot of black clothes, and even though I'm far too fat to be taking out 'city criminals' I'm sure I could handle whatever lowball crimials pollute Brick. Especially if I'm sneaking up on them in the dark. I guess I'll have to give it some thought. Either that or beat the game and hopefully never think of it again.
-Las Vegas. The show. NBC ran it for several years this decade, it starred James Caan and bunch of models most who had an acting range that went from smile for "happy" and furrowed brow for angry, confused, or anything that falls under "not happy". The premise of the show is kind of a take off of Casino but trying to look like Oceans 11. It's a pretty terrible show, it's a sexed-up Love Boat in a casino with ridiculous storylines, mostly lame guest stars and shitty effects. James Caan beats the shit out of someone every episode and all the models take turns fucking each other. It's become the preferred show around dinner time in the ol' McGann homestead and having said everything I just did I really can't stop watching it. It's not good, it doesn't get better, I don't particularly like any of the characters, though Vanessa Marecel's "Sam" is getting close to melting my ice-heart, I don't give a shit what happens but I can't stop watching it. Part of this is surely just laziness on my part, another part of this is that I know it got cancelled so I'm somewhat curious to see if it actually got worse, or maybe it started getting good and alienated the audience. And the other reason I watch is that one day, and I know it will happen, when somehow the show comes up in conversation and someone goes: "Oh my God I used to LOVE that show" I have a carefully researched opinion to politely argue the other side with.
What else is bothering me.
Writers' block.
Career
women
life
$$$
Yeah all that shit I guess
but that's nothing new.
I feel better actually.
Purged.
Thanks Blogger page that no one reads.
No no no, October came running through the gate with a nice cool blast that seemed to come out of nowhere, like someone just fixed the weather machine. Had it been working we would have eased into this. I love the fucking fall. I love all the peripheral bullshit that comes with it: dead leaves, baseball playoffs, football, layers of clothes and blankets, Halloween all of it. I love everyone's dumb facebook status complaining about how cold it is.
But enough of that shit. This whole thing was to purge all the rottenness that's been building up the last month or so. So let's get into some random bullshit and see what sticks to the wall. Starting with:
-I don't know if I like the Germs. I'm listening to them right now, and I'm wondering if that movie "What We Do Is Secret" kind of ruined them for me. I was never huge on them to begin with, but that movie seemed to be doing the same douchey thing they did in the Doors movie with the "Wow man, that is so amazing. It's like you copied your lyrics off God's tongue". You know making the dead guy look like some prophet who just couldn't handle the fame, he just wanted people to like his words. And maybe that's true for all I know, but that doesn't mean it makes a good movie. Of course having said that I loved the Doors movie when I was in my teens and probably even ruined a few bands and friendships by doing stupid drunk shit because I thought Jim Morrison would have done it. But I never claimed that I wasn't a fucking moron. Maybe the Germs cult following will blow up and in 10 years they'll be on Classic Rock radio once an hour, but I kind of doubt it. Anyway the song is over now and I kind of don't care anymore.
-Speaking of Classic Rock Radio and what not I kind of am having a rekindling of my love affair with the Rolling Stones. This happens about once every two years where I listen to Exile on Main St. and for some reason get surprised at how good it is. Or maybe listen to Goat's Head Soup or Some Girls or any of those 70's records and want to start looking for plutonium or try harnessing a bolt of lightning to take my Pontiac back to 1973. Sticky Fingers, however remains the money Stones album in my opinion.
Moving along.
- I am desperately trying to beat this fucking Batman Arkham Asylum game. It's doing serious damage to my psyche, beyond the fact that I'm a 31 year old man, well past his prime, staring at screen for three hours, cursing the batteries in my controller once every 10 minutes, trying to outsmart the fucking Riddler. I will solve all of his puzzles and I'm at the point where I'll use the online walkthroughs if I have to because he must stopped and, perhaps more importantly, I have to stop playing this game. I sometimes find myself unable to sleep wondering what I would have to do to set up my own crimefighting operation here in Brick. The safest town in New Jersey. Of course you never can be too safe can you? I mean I already have a black car and a back entrance to my house. I have a lot of black clothes, and even though I'm far too fat to be taking out 'city criminals' I'm sure I could handle whatever lowball crimials pollute Brick. Especially if I'm sneaking up on them in the dark. I guess I'll have to give it some thought. Either that or beat the game and hopefully never think of it again.
-Las Vegas. The show. NBC ran it for several years this decade, it starred James Caan and bunch of models most who had an acting range that went from smile for "happy" and furrowed brow for angry, confused, or anything that falls under "not happy". The premise of the show is kind of a take off of Casino but trying to look like Oceans 11. It's a pretty terrible show, it's a sexed-up Love Boat in a casino with ridiculous storylines, mostly lame guest stars and shitty effects. James Caan beats the shit out of someone every episode and all the models take turns fucking each other. It's become the preferred show around dinner time in the ol' McGann homestead and having said everything I just did I really can't stop watching it. It's not good, it doesn't get better, I don't particularly like any of the characters, though Vanessa Marecel's "Sam" is getting close to melting my ice-heart, I don't give a shit what happens but I can't stop watching it. Part of this is surely just laziness on my part, another part of this is that I know it got cancelled so I'm somewhat curious to see if it actually got worse, or maybe it started getting good and alienated the audience. And the other reason I watch is that one day, and I know it will happen, when somehow the show comes up in conversation and someone goes: "Oh my God I used to LOVE that show" I have a carefully researched opinion to politely argue the other side with.
What else is bothering me.
Writers' block.
Career
women
life
$$$
Yeah all that shit I guess
but that's nothing new.
I feel better actually.
Purged.
Thanks Blogger page that no one reads.
Friday, September 11, 2009
everything weird/quiet
There's an alien coming out of the speakers. It sounds like it anyway.
I'm trying to figure out if two characters are going to fuck.
I say fuck not to cheapen it or whatever, if you're more comfortable with terms like "making love" then you're probably an asshole but that's besides the point, because if these two were to have sex it would be fucking, there would no love involved, it would be dirty and very little emotion at all with the possible exception of mutual disgust.
But while I'm trying to figure this out there's an alien crawling through the speaker.
It's actually not your run of the mill slimy, green, wide eyed alien, it's just a sound. My alien is a sound. And it's in the speaker and it wants out.
I think I figured out my little "fucking" problem.
It's coming out weird because it is weird.
There are aliens in the room.
No more shadow faced maniacs grabbing at the doorknobs.
Just weird sounds.
Just aliens.
I'm trying to figure out if two characters are going to fuck.
I say fuck not to cheapen it or whatever, if you're more comfortable with terms like "making love" then you're probably an asshole but that's besides the point, because if these two were to have sex it would be fucking, there would no love involved, it would be dirty and very little emotion at all with the possible exception of mutual disgust.
But while I'm trying to figure this out there's an alien crawling through the speaker.
It's actually not your run of the mill slimy, green, wide eyed alien, it's just a sound. My alien is a sound. And it's in the speaker and it wants out.
I think I figured out my little "fucking" problem.
It's coming out weird because it is weird.
There are aliens in the room.
No more shadow faced maniacs grabbing at the doorknobs.
Just weird sounds.
Just aliens.
Tuesday, August 18, 2009
The ever-evolving funeral setlist
Stevie Ray Vaughan- Little Wing
Nothing against Hendrix's version but this one is longer and instrumental. There's live ones that Hendrix and Vaughan did that would certainly qualify, but they're mostly bootlegged stuff and this is after all a formal session here. I don't want some hackey-low-fi copy burned off Limewire hissing during MY thing.
Here's a few that I really don't feel like I have to say anything about; just kind of dark songs, and you know, it'll be a funeral not a FUNeral. Well maybe it'll be a FUNeral, but there must be a proper amount of misery or hauntings will happen.
Rolling Stones-Moonlight Mile
George Harrison Isn't It a Pity?
Alice in Chains- Nutshell/Rotten Apple
Tom Waits -Anywhere I Lay my Head
Nick Cave-hmmmmm-Lay Me Low? ehhhhhh, nah, how bout Hold Onto Yourself
Radiohead- Life in a Glasshouse
There are probably better examples of songs that sound like a funeral march and kind of get a little eye wink in there about it actually being a funeral but I don't give a fuck. To me this is particularly forceful and should drag some tears out of some of you pricks, especially the second time through the refrain at the end.
U2-Exit
Well maybe just the intro section. Not that there's anything wrong with the rest of it, but it's a little too U2 80's for a funeral, I will not encourage random bursts of standing and clapping and call and response at my fucking funeral.
well maybe I will.
Pearl Jam-Oceans It was kind of between this and Release and then I remembered something.....
Pearl Jam-Release it's my fucking funeral and I can have as much Eddie Vedder as I want. In fact...
Pearl Jam-Yellow Ledbetter 6/26/08 MSG well maybe the studio version would be better, this was from a show I went to with Blumes and while it was really great and all the national anthem at the end is a little not my speed for a death march. I mean I wasn't in the military or anything.
Nirvana-hmmm I guess All Apologies It's kind of a cliche, and maybe I'll think of something better or, RARER so I can show off my Cobain-IQ but album-wise I guess it would be easier to pick something off the Unplugged, maybe Oh Me but that's not even a Nirvana song and I always remember it from one of those weird tribute videos. Ditto for Jesus Don't Want Me For a Sunbeam. Where Did You Sleep Last Night was always my favorite from that show by a mile but that's a little, I don't know, I guess lets go with.....
Nirvana-Where Did you Sleep Last Night? but you can keep the In Utero All Apologies in there too.
I feel like I'm getting a little too easy here.
What's next The End?
When the Music's OVer? (maybe)
The Doors-Shaman's Blues Now this song starts off with the line "there will never be another one like you" and well that might come off as some kind of self gratifying bullshit, but I don't want it because of that, it's just a cool dark-ish Doors kind of song. Probably one of the last ones that they got right with that vibe.
In My Life-The Beatles Just because. It's a cliche but then again so are funerals.
Nothing against Hendrix's version but this one is longer and instrumental. There's live ones that Hendrix and Vaughan did that would certainly qualify, but they're mostly bootlegged stuff and this is after all a formal session here. I don't want some hackey-low-fi copy burned off Limewire hissing during MY thing.
Here's a few that I really don't feel like I have to say anything about; just kind of dark songs, and you know, it'll be a funeral not a FUNeral. Well maybe it'll be a FUNeral, but there must be a proper amount of misery or hauntings will happen.
Rolling Stones-Moonlight Mile
George Harrison Isn't It a Pity?
Alice in Chains- Nutshell/Rotten Apple
Tom Waits -Anywhere I Lay my Head
Nick Cave-hmmmmm-Lay Me Low? ehhhhhh, nah, how bout Hold Onto Yourself
Radiohead- Life in a Glasshouse
There are probably better examples of songs that sound like a funeral march and kind of get a little eye wink in there about it actually being a funeral but I don't give a fuck. To me this is particularly forceful and should drag some tears out of some of you pricks, especially the second time through the refrain at the end.
U2-Exit
Well maybe just the intro section. Not that there's anything wrong with the rest of it, but it's a little too U2 80's for a funeral, I will not encourage random bursts of standing and clapping and call and response at my fucking funeral.
well maybe I will.
Pearl Jam-Oceans It was kind of between this and Release and then I remembered something.....
Pearl Jam-Release it's my fucking funeral and I can have as much Eddie Vedder as I want. In fact...
Pearl Jam-Yellow Ledbetter 6/26/08 MSG well maybe the studio version would be better, this was from a show I went to with Blumes and while it was really great and all the national anthem at the end is a little not my speed for a death march. I mean I wasn't in the military or anything.
Nirvana-hmmm I guess All Apologies It's kind of a cliche, and maybe I'll think of something better or, RARER so I can show off my Cobain-IQ but album-wise I guess it would be easier to pick something off the Unplugged, maybe Oh Me but that's not even a Nirvana song and I always remember it from one of those weird tribute videos. Ditto for Jesus Don't Want Me For a Sunbeam. Where Did You Sleep Last Night was always my favorite from that show by a mile but that's a little, I don't know, I guess lets go with.....
Nirvana-Where Did you Sleep Last Night? but you can keep the In Utero All Apologies in there too.
I feel like I'm getting a little too easy here.
What's next The End?
When the Music's OVer? (maybe)
The Doors-Shaman's Blues Now this song starts off with the line "there will never be another one like you" and well that might come off as some kind of self gratifying bullshit, but I don't want it because of that, it's just a cool dark-ish Doors kind of song. Probably one of the last ones that they got right with that vibe.
In My Life-The Beatles Just because. It's a cliche but then again so are funerals.
Wednesday, August 12, 2009
Sally Sings Sweetly @ Ophelia Street
http://opheliastreet.com/2009/08/11/sally-sings-sweetly/#more-1295
Tuesday, July 28, 2009
tHERE iS nOTHING i wANT TO sAY tO yOU (sUNDAY)
So let's wind this shit down shall we? Sunday came like a hangover. I couldn't sleep Saturday night, things felt good, outdoors in the middle of a strange town, smoking cigarettes in a parking lot overlooking a dimly lit parking lot. It was a nice scene for some 16 year old over-hormoned and neurotic. I was wired all night, I got home and felt like writing a book or an opera or just doing something, anything to keep the weird rush of energy I had going.
But I eventually just watched the Doors movie on TBS and got really depressed and fell asleep just before the sun came up.
Sunday was a bigger show, the biggest show as far as I was concerned, The St. Joseph's elementary Battle of the Bands.
This event had been going on the last few years and always had a pretty enormous turn out. Some youth organization ran it and did a great job promoting it.
Battle of the bands, if you don't know are pretty much just a bullshit way to get you to beg as many of your friends to come out to a show. Any organized Battle of the Bands I've ever been involved in the organizer has always said: "remember the more people you get out the more likely you are to win" which is kind of a defeatist attitude to go in with; like you won't convert anyone. Everyone is coming here to see their friends bands and even if you whip out some kind of wizardry not yet known to this planet it won't make any difference because they're not here to see you.
This was different. Apparently there were judges. I never figured out who they were and maybe that was the point, but they were the governing body as far as who won.
And what do you win?
Well normally it would be something like a free hour at whatever rehearsal studio was sponsoring the event. Or maybe a free package of Blue Steel guitar strings. Nice, helpful things to have, but not exactly a gold medal.
The St. Joe's thing was giving away $200, which seemed a lot better.
A few years back when I was probably 12 or 13 I remember very vividly being a giddy as a the schoolboy I was when the last band that played finished off with Enter Sandman. By the time the next year rolled around, I was kind off Metallica and got really into the second to last band who looked more like a reality show than a band. One kid had a mohwak and was punked out like it was 1976 London. The singer looked like 90's Bon Jovi. The girl playing bass looked like she probably took piano lessons. The Drummer might have been in Slayer orginally. They even had someone playing trombone.
I'll call them "Daft" for the simple reason that I'm taking a few liberties with their personnel and I don't want to eat shit on the details. So now they've been fictionalized, and with this comes a new name.
So Daft comes out and they are great, for what I knew at that age they were the best thing I ever saw in my life. They were weird and funny and scary and loud it was everything you want when you're wallowing around unfuckable and awkward in the muck of early teen angst. They played for a about a half an hour and every one was stomping around in half assed attempts at mosh pits while getting dirty looks from the off duty police that volunteered to help.
At the end of the night Daft didn't win the competition, that distinction went to a band that did a fairly terrible version of Smells Like Teen Spirit. Well we weren't going to stand for that and we booed those bastards and started a little "Daft" chant. It was a nice little moment.
But fuck them now. They were back, and likely had the biggest audience in the place. There were only four bands this year which was down from the two times I'd already been there.
It was a weird night over all.
I just realized I can't really finish the story.
I fucked up.
I wasn't in this band the day before this show.
I was going to the show to see Zack's band play, and to be honest I was jealous, but as luck would have it Zack's bass player had to study for his SAT's and wasn't allowed to attend the show. This became my short term gain, he eventually went on to a lucrative career and I think lives in Miami, while I sit in a basement and scratch stories off my Swiss cheese memory.
So I was in, but I didn't know any of the songs.
I had to make notes on the back of the setlist so I knew what to play for which songs.
I was learning how to play half the set on the playground in the back while the other bands played or smoked cigarettes with pretty impressionable girls.
So we played.
And I think it went pretty ok.
Zack went nuts, jumped on my back and brought me down.
There was also a guitar swinging incident in which he swung a guitar at someone in one of the other bands.
There is a video of all of this somewhere but I never felt much like watching it because I'd hate to be disappointed if the reality of it wasn't as vivid as I remember it.
So anyway, Daft won.
But I eventually just watched the Doors movie on TBS and got really depressed and fell asleep just before the sun came up.
Sunday was a bigger show, the biggest show as far as I was concerned, The St. Joseph's elementary Battle of the Bands.
This event had been going on the last few years and always had a pretty enormous turn out. Some youth organization ran it and did a great job promoting it.
Battle of the bands, if you don't know are pretty much just a bullshit way to get you to beg as many of your friends to come out to a show. Any organized Battle of the Bands I've ever been involved in the organizer has always said: "remember the more people you get out the more likely you are to win" which is kind of a defeatist attitude to go in with; like you won't convert anyone. Everyone is coming here to see their friends bands and even if you whip out some kind of wizardry not yet known to this planet it won't make any difference because they're not here to see you.
This was different. Apparently there were judges. I never figured out who they were and maybe that was the point, but they were the governing body as far as who won.
And what do you win?
Well normally it would be something like a free hour at whatever rehearsal studio was sponsoring the event. Or maybe a free package of Blue Steel guitar strings. Nice, helpful things to have, but not exactly a gold medal.
The St. Joe's thing was giving away $200, which seemed a lot better.
A few years back when I was probably 12 or 13 I remember very vividly being a giddy as a the schoolboy I was when the last band that played finished off with Enter Sandman. By the time the next year rolled around, I was kind off Metallica and got really into the second to last band who looked more like a reality show than a band. One kid had a mohwak and was punked out like it was 1976 London. The singer looked like 90's Bon Jovi. The girl playing bass looked like she probably took piano lessons. The Drummer might have been in Slayer orginally. They even had someone playing trombone.
I'll call them "Daft" for the simple reason that I'm taking a few liberties with their personnel and I don't want to eat shit on the details. So now they've been fictionalized, and with this comes a new name.
So Daft comes out and they are great, for what I knew at that age they were the best thing I ever saw in my life. They were weird and funny and scary and loud it was everything you want when you're wallowing around unfuckable and awkward in the muck of early teen angst. They played for a about a half an hour and every one was stomping around in half assed attempts at mosh pits while getting dirty looks from the off duty police that volunteered to help.
At the end of the night Daft didn't win the competition, that distinction went to a band that did a fairly terrible version of Smells Like Teen Spirit. Well we weren't going to stand for that and we booed those bastards and started a little "Daft" chant. It was a nice little moment.
But fuck them now. They were back, and likely had the biggest audience in the place. There were only four bands this year which was down from the two times I'd already been there.
It was a weird night over all.
I just realized I can't really finish the story.
I fucked up.
I wasn't in this band the day before this show.
I was going to the show to see Zack's band play, and to be honest I was jealous, but as luck would have it Zack's bass player had to study for his SAT's and wasn't allowed to attend the show. This became my short term gain, he eventually went on to a lucrative career and I think lives in Miami, while I sit in a basement and scratch stories off my Swiss cheese memory.
So I was in, but I didn't know any of the songs.
I had to make notes on the back of the setlist so I knew what to play for which songs.
I was learning how to play half the set on the playground in the back while the other bands played or smoked cigarettes with pretty impressionable girls.
So we played.
And I think it went pretty ok.
Zack went nuts, jumped on my back and brought me down.
There was also a guitar swinging incident in which he swung a guitar at someone in one of the other bands.
There is a video of all of this somewhere but I never felt much like watching it because I'd hate to be disappointed if the reality of it wasn't as vivid as I remember it.
So anyway, Daft won.
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